Thursday, 15 September 2011

372nd issue: The family culture

During my this trip to Turkey I realized something: how the meaning of family changes in each culture. I left yesterday my grandmothers house, because I couldn't take it anymore. I spent one night at airport and now I'm waiting for my flight.

Why did I leave? I couldn't stand anymore the control. How I was controlled all the time: I'm not allowed to go out alone, I'm not even allowed to talk to strangers. I'm not allowed to speak about my family problems to anyone. But do I care? No.

In Finland I have been living alone since I was 19 years old. Between now and this age I have traveled round the World sometimes alone, sometimes with a group. I am not used to be under control, I control myself, I don't need anyone to control me. No one should be controlled by others. The more people control you, the more they effect your head and put you round their fingers.

As long as you know what's right and what is wrong, you can live as independent as you want.

I got very badly stressed about this constant control and lack of freedom that I'm used to. Also I was forced to accept lies, which was the final point.

In Finland this is called insanity. If someone steals someone's freedom, it's almost a crime (in some cases it is a crime). If a 26 year-old is not left out alone, there's something wrong.

Now I have decided to burn my bridges to Turkey. I don't need this. I know so much better places, yesterday I was watching my photos from New Zealand and thinking how happy I was when I was there - alone and far, far away from my family. My mother is excellent, she understands me and my sister. Or she seems like understanding. She never forces us to anything and she pushes us to do what ever we feel like doing. She never forces us to believe in her ideology, she rather gives us perspective.

And by us I mean me an my sister.

If we start looking about this issue much wider, we can notice some cultural differences. My aunt yesterday told me that no matter what happened, it's my fmaily and I can't erase them from my life. I asked her "why not? if hey are making me unhappy, why should I have them in my life? when I have so good friends and people who I care about and who care about me, why should I ruin my life with people who make me feel like shit?"

Then I continued: "also in Finland family isn't as big issue as in Turkey, there are plenty of people who are not in any kind of contact in some of their family members. It's totally ok in Finland if you don't get along with your family member. Then you just don't get along."

Then she understood. Or seemed like understanding.

There are also negative sides about Finnish people not working enough their family relations: there are plenty of lonely elderly people. But otherwise I love the fact that you are free to get along with who ever you want. Sure at work you might have annoying people, but they pay you to get along....

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