Tuesday, 23 August 2011

352nd issue: family support

As I have wrote, I have multicultural background: my dad is Turkish and mother Finnish.

Growing up in Finland between 80's to 90's wasn't the easiest as a multicultural, because people didn't always understand what does it means. Basically I was always stamped as Turkish, even though I was Finnish as much as Turkish...

Anyway, I lived fantastic childhood which included lot's of traveling and overdose of love from everybody. It was actually very sad when this all faded away and my parents divorced and difficult times started, but now I can say that I'm happy that I lived those emotions so young (I was a teenager). I never had the opportunity to become a real teenager, because I was carrying my parents difficult times inside my heart.

Now that I'm adult I have decided to focus only in my own life and leave my parents do what ever they want. And I think it's so good like this. Sure there's always some electricity in the air when I say something about my dad to my mom or other way. But I try to avoid those conversations.

I love my parents, but they can be so difficult sometimes. But hey, I'm difficult always!

In my family my mom is the sharp one, the practical one, with who I can have long and deep conversations about everything. My dad is the emotion. So it's totally opposite from usual husband and wife relations. My dad is the one who says all the time "I love you" or he kisses and shows that he loves. My mother never kisses us :D actually she never even says "I love you", she rather shows it. I never say to my family members that I love them, it's very difficult. It feels awkward, because I think it's just something that IS. You don't have to repeat it, because basically it is this way.

Because my mother is whatshe is, she's also the best one for me to judge. Some people get angry when their parents judge them, but I think my mother just gives me the best judgements. She never want's to influence or corrupt my mind, she just always puts me to think deeper everything. Sometimes I want to take the shortcut, put then my mother brings some new perspectives to my mind and sure sometimes I get angry because she never let's me to take the shortcut, but after awhile I understand that it was actually good to think everything again...and again...and again..

I'm finishing documentary which was my summer project. I've been showing it all the time to my mother and first she never understood it. I was getting angry and anxious, and started to think that am I studying the right subject? Still I didn't give it up, I tried harder.

Now, when my project is almost ready, I'm glad that my mother didn't understand my idea first. It made me try harder. I'm glad she didn't say "oh, what ever you do is perfect, because you are my daughter" (that's what my grandmother would say :D), because then I would have dropped from very high when I would have got negative critique.

So yeah, I might get negative critique now as well, my documentary might be amateur piece of crap, but I did my best. And I spent lot's of time thinking...

My dad is the one who has taught me how to see things and enjoy what you see. He has taught me how a scenery can be enjoyable. It's been a lifelong lession which is always active when we are in Istanbul.

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