Thursday, 4 August 2011

333rd issue: Now I understand

(I'm not sure if I have written about this, but I'll do it again, because this is what I'm thinking at the moment)

Lately I have started understand my mistakes when I "date" guys. First and the biggest mistake is, that I just don't know how to give attention to someone else. I don't know how to show that I like. What I do rather? I start running. I think showing attraction is something scary, because if you show your interest and the other person just ends up saying "you have misunderstood me". Just like I have said so many times.

I think I have failed too many times in my life and I don't want to cause myself any failures.

So I'm afraid of the red light, probably. Instead of showing that I care, I run run run. I care, yes, but I can't show it. I've never been kind of person who shows emotions. People might say that I'm honest and showing my emotions, and yeah, I can cry where ever I want, I laugh, I act stupid where ever I want. I'm not afraid of looking ugly. But saying to someone that "I like you - a lot" or sitting like a couple with someone. I just can't make it. I want to have my own space, I need my own space.

People who know me, don't even know what's up. Once my friends boyfriend said that "Esin doesn't want a relationship", and that's correct in a way, but I'm open minded. But I just can't show that I'm interested of someone. I can write my feelings, but I cant say them face to face.

This post didn't have much to do with Helsinki, but remember I'm a person from Helsinki and giving face to one of Helsinger, Helsinki person, Hell-cityer, Helsinkier,..... (there isn't still a word for person coming from Helsinki!!!).

PS. that topic is a lie, I still don't understand!

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