Friday, 8 July 2011

313th issue: My love

As I have been writing about Finnish guys, I will have to write my love towards one of them...

I have absolutely fed up being a windmill. Even though my name means morning breeze, it shouldn't breeze to my inner windmill anymore. I want to balance.

I was thinking that is there anyone who has ever made me feel something in my life. There are things that complete me, like photographing, cycling, creating things, thinking... But a person. A person is missing from my life. I love my family, sure. I love my friends, sure. But still...

I have been living pretty actionfull life. From bar to another I've been jumping. Meeting new guys, dating some. No feeling.

I have realized between this 1.5 years that feeling is the most important thing. It's not how clever the other person is, it's not about the looks. It's all about the feeling. I have had so fantastic guys, but no... I haven't felt anything. Sometimes I have become angry to myself for not feeling anything.

I remember that before it was easier to feel, I would fell in love something like once a year. Now, I don't anymore. I started to think why...

Slightly I strated to bring one guy back to my mind and realized that it's him that I miss. There's no one that would make me feel like he did. He made me feel something inside aswell. With other guys it has always stayed in my skin, but with this guy it feels deep inside me.

Wow, this is interesting.

My friends say "forget him, he will only hurt you", "Esin, you can have so much better guys, see how it has been going with him before..." I'm not blaming him that it didn't work before. I think we just had lack of communication and my behavior wasn't very good either. But that's because I wasn't ready that time.

But I'm in love. Love is a nice feeling, especially if it comes deep inside you. I don't say this guy would love me and I'm not going to stalk him. I'm too proud for doing that. Heh...

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