Thursday, 3 March 2011

2nd issue: How to make friends with Finnish people

Finnish people are extremely shy. I would definitely agree with the aim that Finns and Japanese people are the most shy people in the world.  Some people may think we are rude, as we don't like to have small talk and we prefer answering the questions with one word. If you are lost and ask for help, it wont be surprising if some people just totally ignore you.

But this is shyness, not that they would do it to be rude. We are extremely introvert and unsure. Now some Finnish people may say that I am generalizing, but it really is true. And this is what we are and this is why we are so special.

So, how to make friends with Finnish people:

How to start

Finnish people love dogs, but they behave like cats. So, usually Finnish people want to be the ones that come to you. If you are super social, like Americans or Australians, you might get only bad look without an answer. 

If you try to be friend with a Finnish person by smiling to him/her every time you meet, it's not a good thing either. Especially girls will say "what the fuck that one idiot is always smiling to me, he doesn't even know me!"

So I would just say that: ignore a Finnish person as long as you can, they come to you. This might take time, but after this you are going to be good friends! 

Don't ever get too cheesy

Finnish people hate cheesy. Especially French guys behavior doesn't work here. If you say cheesy, a Finnish chic say: "A FRENCH GUY!" So, if you are a French guy and trying to meet a Finnish chic, don't be so French.

My tip is that you go to a girl, stop like 80cm away (so don't ever get too close) and... now this is the trick: look at her, deep in her eyes, and ask something stupid like "do you know where I can smoke here" 
and then just thank and walk away. Don't look behind.

Why do you do like this? Because first a Finnish girl thinks "oh my god, that guy is coming to talk to me, what a jerk" then she thinks: "that idiot is totally going to try to score me, not in a million years" and then when you only ask where the smoking place is, she's gonna think "what the fu*k, why wasn't he interested of me!" And you might actually get the girl like this, because next she's going to come and talk to you in the smoking area asking where are you from..etc. So this is ignoring.

Drunken

When we are drunk you can make good friends with us - for one night. Next day we don't usually want to see you anymore. Making friends with drunken Finns is not ideal way. Making friends with a little bit tipsy Finnish is better. 

Making friends with a bartender

I used to work in a bar. We had so many people coming and knowing us by names. But for us they were customers. Sad part was that they though us as friends. I would never ever spend time with my customers on my free time. So, you can try to make friends with bartenders. They are usually social and kind - but only when they work. Don't forget that they are getting paid for talking to you.

Spending some time

Helsinki is small. Super small. Everybody knows someone who knows someone. So if you finally make friends with one Finnish, you have a good opportunity to make several others!

Caring

Finnish people care about you, but they don't say it every day. If they say it once - it means it and we don't feel like saying it all the time. After we have said it once, it has been said and don't expect to hear it soon again.

Especially in Helsinki it is very hard to make friends, but as I said, once you make friends with a Finnish person it means a good friendship. Usually female are more social than dudes.

Making friends in the street

Not in a million years. Don't ever think you can make friends with a Finnish person like this.

6 comments:

  1. Hello. At my school we have a foreign exchange student from Finland whom I share a class with. He is very shy and awkward, but I think that's adorable! I really want to become friends with him although I've never spoken to him. Is there anyway I could get to know him?
    Btw, I love your blog!

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    1. Hi mysterious writer!

      You're right, he's shy. Sometimes some Finns are just so into computer games that they don't even have much interest in connecting with real world. Could this be one reason he's so awkward?

      The best way to start contacting him is just talk to him. Every time you see him, say hello. Don't push him too much, but make clear to him that you're a good person. Some Finns have difficulties on trusting people.

      You can also try to find his interests that you have some subject to start to talk with him. I know.. some Finns can be soooooooo difficult... Good luck :)

      And thanks :)

      Esin

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  2. Finnish men are very shy, this is coming from an Asian (Indian to be exact!), usually I look at Asian men and go "Is there anyone more shy than us ?" and BAM, I met some finnish guys, boy oh boy they are shy :D. Your blog is pretty fucking awesome, I'm having a great time reading it, I like yer style !! :)

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  3. I am very sorry, but your article makes me be very upset - probably because I cannot tolerate how you are trying to polish things and make them look better than they feel for a foreigner and I see that you probably have no self-reflection on your nation whatsoever or just are trying to defend your nation - oh, patriotic Finn.

    How a foreigner sees it:

    But this is shyness, not that they would do it to be rude. We are extremely introvert and unsure. Now some Finnish people may say that I am generalizing, but it really is true. And this is what we are and this is why we are so special.///

    Then get rid of the shyness! Have you ever thought about how many great people (foreigners) you have missed just because you were such chicken to be more social and friendly to them? Have you ever thought that small talk may be even funny and educative for you? Have you ever thought how many great men you missed just because you were wearing your "bitchyshield"? Have you ever thought about how much you hurt somebody's feelings - those human feelings that everybody has...desire for acceptance, belonging, appreciation, contribution, love - by being cold and unfriendly? Do you have any idea how loneliness in long run feels like, when you are far from home and alone? Have you ever thought about what it takes to create a positive relationship between two people (speaking of friendship, romance or whatever positive one)? That it takes two side cooperation and not only one side activity? You cannot just expect us to love you for being shy...Yes, if you are shy and humble, that is ok, but if you are shy and rude, just because you feel internally insecure, trying to mask it with pseudoconfident attitude or total speechlessness ...sorry, there is so much patience a person has for another person. The resentment and lack of cooperation or interest in us hurts. If you keep hurting...in long run...foreigners will just turn against you....as that has happened to me actually. Came here for love, got ruthlessly dumped and left alone in Finland, and a year and half after that...after being nice, patient to people and trying to make friends...still no finnish friends...and emotionally hurt by every attempt I made...

    To be continued...

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad I managed to provocate you :)

      Mission completed!

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